Joke of the Week!

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is
for women. Follow these rules and you should have no
problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17
and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have
too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything
with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying
those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket
yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his
car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts
for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy
men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to
wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones
they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man
a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after
shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are
earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. "Socks. Shorts.
Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one
knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required"
on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have
parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works,
Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and
Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance
Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter
if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be
something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they
will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound
propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill!
The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:
Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he
will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th
Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8
and what happens when he gets a label-maker.

Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It
must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to our cowboy
origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like
a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.