Joke of the Week!

I had just pulled into a parking spot at the home improvement store when smoke and flames began pouring from under my hood. Frantic, I bolted into the store and ran up to the first clerk I saw. As luck would have it, he was standing behind the customer service counter.
"Please help," I gasped. "My car's on fire! I need a fire extinguisher!"

Without even looking up, he replied, "Aisle 12."

Joke of the Week!

Consider the theatergoer who gets to his seat only to
find that he's far away from the stage. He whispers to
the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to watch
a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give
you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands
the usher a quarter.

The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans
over and whispers, "The wife did it."

Joke of the Week!

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center are sitting
on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'