Joke of the Week!

A young man is paired up with a priest on the first hole
at the golf course. When they make it to a long par three
the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole son?"

The young man says, "An eight iron, father. How about you?"

The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his eight iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7 iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my
church when we pray, we keep our head down."

Joke of the Week!

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is
for women. Follow these rules and you should have no
problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not
matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17
and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have
too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything
with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying
those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"
"OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket
yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his
car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or
something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts
for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy
men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to
wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones
they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man
a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after
shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are
earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely
everywhere. "Socks. Shorts.
Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one
knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required"
on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have
parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works,
Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and
Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance
Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter
if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be
something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford
Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they
will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound
propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill!
The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:
Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he
will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th
Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8
and what happens when he gets a label-maker.

Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It
must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to our cowboy
origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like
a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.

Joke of the Week!

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London.
One took a window seat and the other sat
next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in
the aisle seat.

After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off,
wiggled his toes and was settling in when the
Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up
and get a coke."

"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the
aisle seat, I'll get it for you."

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up
the Marines shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned with the coke, the other
Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.

While he was gone the other Arab picked up the
Marines other shoe and spat in it.

When the Marine returned, they all sat back and
enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the
Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew
immediately what had happened.

"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked.
"How long must this go on? This fighting between
our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This
spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"

Joke of the Week!

Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.

They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods,
the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a
cabin in the woods.

They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.

The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their
vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns
to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish
we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"