Joke of the Week!

A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate."
"Ah, my son, it is what has brought great nations together.
It has made the world a smaller place in which to live.
It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours.
It will some day enable men to span the universe and
light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time."

"And that, my master, is fate?"

"Oh, fate! I thought you said freight."

Joke of the Week!

Pilot and the Priest

Entering heaven a priest dies and is waiting in line
at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a
loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter
addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may
know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ?"

The guy replies, I'm Peter, retired Delta Air Lines Pilot from Atlanta."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the
pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom."

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out,
I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the
last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the
priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the
Kingdom." "Just a minute," says the good father, "that man was
a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get
only cotton and wood staff. How can this be?"

"Up here - - we go by results," says Saint Peter, "when you
preached - - people slept; when he flew - people prayed."

Joke of the Week!

Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore under fiction

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?

A: The next time you are in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.

Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where do 50+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?

A: Their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "I remember these

Joke of the Week!

PORSCHE

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream,

"Where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents.

We know what a Porsche costs.."

"Well," said the! boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name, they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

Joke of the Week!

Because of a shortage of maids, the minister's wife advertised for a manservant. The next morning a nicely dressed young man came to the front door. "Can you start the breakfast by seven o'clock?" asked the minister.

"I guess so," answered the man.

"Can you polish all the silver, wash all the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the lawn, wash windows, iron clothes and keep the house neat and tidy?"

"Say, preacher," said the young fellow rather meekly, "I came here to see about getting married but if it's going to be as much work as all that, you can count me out right now."