Joke of the Week!

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my
wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and
said to the man sitting next to me, 'Congratulations sir,
you're the new father of twins!'

The man replied, 'How about that, I work for the Doublemint
Chewing Gum Company.' The man then followed the
nurse to his wife's room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting
room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had
triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, 'Well, how do ya
like that, I work for the 3M Company.'

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up
and started to leave. When I asked him why he was
leaving, he remarked, 'I think I need a breath of fresh air.'
The man continued, 'I work for 7-UP.'

Joke of the Week!

Things you should never say to a pregnant woman:

"Honey, come on, you're blocking the big screen TV!"

"No, I don't mind. Helping you get up out of the chair
is a bit habit forming."

"Sorry I can't give you a hug, my arms aren't that long."

"What do you mean, the seat belt won't fit?!"

"So the doctor said you're going to get, um, even bigger?"

"Why not wear one of my shirts? Oh, they don't fit either..."

"Bet you $20 I can outrun you across the back yard!"

"Come on, as soon as my team breaks this tied game, we'll
leave for the hospital."

"Since your contractions are so far apart, how about
cooking us some boiled cabbage and sauerkraut before we leave?"

"Maybe someday you'll return the favor and tie MY shoes."

"But why can't you trim your own toe nails?"

..and anything said while she is looking in the mirror j
ust after taking a bath.

Joke of the Week!

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair,
where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes
when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the
lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family
members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows
on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so
again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again
grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold
her up.

A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said,
"Hi Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note
to the nephew,

"They won't let me pass gas..."

Joke of the Week!

Everyone on a passenger ship could see
a bearded man on a small island, shouting
and desperately waving his hands.

'Who is that man?' a passenger asked the
ship's Captain. 'Why is he so upset?'

'I have no idea,' the Captain replied,
'but, every year when we pass by here,
he goes crazy.'